Gestational Diabetes Update

This is going to be a brutally honest post with some real emotions for me. I have put off doing this post because it will be really personal for me. In my Fabulously Fat and Fit Pregnancy post I talked about how I have tried to stay healthy and fit this pregnancy. There have been plenty of struggles along the way with exhaustion, pains, and 3 kids to take care of but it has always been worth it to stay healthy and fit and to teach my kids to be healthy.

I’m sure you can see where this post is going, but here we go. As I sat there waiting for the results (I knew what day the doctor’s office would call), I just kept hoping and praying that I would “pass” my gestational diabetes test. I mean, I have worked out, I have been running, I have been (mostly) eating right, sleep-well I always have trouble with sleep, but I’ve been getting some sleep…I initially got in trouble for gaining too much weight, my last appointment for not gaining enough weight…and then the call came. “Unfortunately you didn’t pass your test so I’ve already called in the glucometer and supplies to your pharmacy. Check you blood sugar first thing in the morning and then 2 hours after every meal.” I pretended to take the news like a champ but inside I was dying. I was angry, I was sad, I was defeated. I tried to go through the rest of my day without letting my emotions get the best of me. I made the kids lunch and got the to start calming down for quiet time.

I let the 2 older kids sit down and watch a short show on TV (because I didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity at the moment to keep them engaged). My sweet little red sat next to me giving me hugs while I searched for diabetic friendly recipes and carb counts for things we already had on hand. Have I mentioned my husband works from home? Well, he works from home (prior to COVID-19 he had times he had to go physically go places for his job but currently is not allowed in so does business via phone). I got the results on one of his busier phone conference days. The dog started barking and my little red started imitating her. He then proceeds to call me (the messy, emotional, defeated Mama) so that I would know he needed me to get them to stop. I just hung up. When he got off the phone he came out of his office to try to explain to me WHY he needed me to get them quiet (as if I didn’t already know). Side note, this post is not meant to bash my husband, just to show my raw feelings and this is how it went down in my emotional mind. I asked him to not say anything but he did anyway. See right before all of the barking started, I was trying to figure out HOW I was going to create meals that were: Kid Friendly, Gluten Free, Dairy Free, and now Diabetic Friendly. That just added to my stress and my feeling of defeat. So, back to my hubby trying to tell me why he needed them quiet. I lost it and just started bawling. Like UGLY crying.

My husband thought it was because he was trying to explain his situation to me. He didn’t know I had now been officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes. He didn’t know ALL the things going through my brain and how I was just barely hanging on to my emotions. But he found out. He kept trying to talk to me and ask why I was so upset that he was just explaining his point of view. I wish it was that easy! Then I just blurted out everything. I was gestational diabetic, I was going to end up with Type II Diabetes (gestational diabetes puts you at a higher risk), no one in my family has diabetes, I have tried to exercise and be healthy and it didn’t even matter, I had to try to figure out how to make a meal that would fit everybody and every restriction we have, according to my pharmacy my insurance won’t cover any glucometers or test strips, I’m anemic, I gained too much weight, wait I didn’t gain enough…the list went on and on. I really have no idea what all I said. After continuing to cry for another 15 minutes, I pulled myself together and got my boys to bed. My daughter rarely takes a quiet time anymore. Then my husband came to say something else to me (I honestly have NO idea what he even said). I lost it again and walked out. I walked to the end of our street, sat on the curb, and cried some more. Some of you are thinking, “Really?!!? Over a test?” Yes. I have worked so hard to try to make changes this pregnancy and I was really hoping it would make a difference in my gestational diabetes testing.

The rest of the day I continued to be an emotional wreck. If you remember or know the song “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit, that pretty much sums up how I felt the rest of the day. And my attitude. It was NOT my best day. I decided I needed to get a few things from the grocery store to fit into my diabetic meal plan so I set up a grocery delivery for the next day. I went to bed and the next morning woke up with a different attitude. My attitude was not going to work for me or my family and there are worse things in life. I continue to workout within my limits and eat healthy. Was it easy to make the attitude change? No, but a pity party for 1 isn’t going to cut it. It isn’t good for me or for my family. It won’t change anything. I don’t have that much longer to go through all the finger sticks unlike some that I know with Type I and Type II Diabetes. Yes my risk for Type II Diabetes is increased and if I don’t keep my blood sugar under control there are risks for baby and for me, so I choose to make healthy choices and to change my attitude and outlook. As I go through this journey, you may see more gluten free, dairy free, diabetic friendly recipes pop up in my posts. While they might be gluten and dairy free and diabetic friendly, I think they will still be tasty!