For the millionth time today I hear, “Mommy can we…” fill in the blank with any number of requests. The house is a disaster, my feet hurt, I’m tired, and I just want to sit and have everyone quiet. Today we’ve gone for a walk, played outside in the oppressive heat, had breakfast, lunch, and snacks. We’ve done learning and “workouts.” We’ve read books, done art, had arguments, this list goes on. What I really want is a margarita and quiet, but neither of those will happen.
Have you been there? Coffee has long worn off, you are tired and exhausted. You know dinner is just around the corner so you will have to get that done as well. There are dishes in the sink that still need to be done, laundry that needs to be folded and put away, baths that need to be given. I’m a list maker and sometimes the list has WAY more stuff on it than I can get done. The sweeping, the mopping, the dusting (oh wait, I haven’t done that in years but my daughter LOVES to do it now!), cleaning the toilets, laundry, dishes, food, family walk/bike ride, last snack, bath, bedtime, and repeat the next day. Y’all it’s exhausting. It’s exhausting just thinking about it half the time.
Doesn’t everyone ride their scooter with a sequin mask on?!!?
Sometimes when I’m going through all the things I think I need to get done and my kiddos ask me to do something with them, I say, “No.” Sometimes it’s okay to say no. When you start noticing you are saying no more than you are saying yes, maybe it’s time for a change. Over the last couple of days I have noticed all of my kids seemed to be struggling. I took a step back and thought about how many times have I said “Yes” instead of “No.” To be honest, it wasn’t often. They have been asking to go rock hunting but it has been so hot even in the morning that I’ve said no to that. They’ve asked to do morning bike rides, but again, it’s been so hot I’ve said no. I’ve been asked to lay in bed with a certain little boy at nap time who’s love language is physical touch and I’ve said no. My daughter has asked to do my nails almost every night and I’ve said no. Why? Not out of spite or to be mean, but because I’m exhausted. If I nap with my son that’s 2 hours of tasks I miss out on doing and means I have to stay up later to do said tasks. If we do bike rides I know someone will get upset for some reason or another and when it’s just Mama on the morning walks with 3 littles having a meltdown not close to home, it’s hard. Mama gets tired easily right now (remember, 3rd trimester exhaustion?).
So no is just easier for me than stopping to say yes. Plus my coffee has worn off and I can’t have another cup of coffee because pregnancy. I will go over my caffeine limit. My feet hurt, the list goes on. However, I notice the difference in my children and that is never a good thing. They need me to say yes sometimes. Saying no is not always helpful. So I made a plan with my son to take a nap with him the next day (and yes he will remember) and when my daughter asked for the 5th straight day in a row to do my nails (and makeup), I said yes. It made such a difference in both of my big kids. The difference in the big kids also makes a difference in my little red. The big kids aren’t trying to get more attention from me in any way, shape, or form. They don’t bicker as much. They don’t pick little fights with each other. It’s amazing what saying “Yes” can do for my kiddos.
I got my “spa” afternoon in with my daughter. Makeup: check, fingernails: check, toenails: check (and let’s be honest I haven’t seen those things in quite some time). Smile on my daughter’s face: CHECK! Little Red wanted to snuggle during my makeover so he got to snuggle while my daughter did my makeup! Check on filling his happiness too! My son is looking forward to the nap time with Mama and is happy! Yay! The impact was amazing. They cleaned up without prompting, they hugged each other frequently, they put their clothes away without getting upset about having to do something. In general, they were just happier.
Saying “Yes” even when I wanted to say no made such a huge impact on us as a family. As I said, it wasn’t what I wanted to say and it wasn’t easy, but it was so worth it. I encourage you to try to say yes more than you say no (as long as it is something healthy and good for your kiddos). As I always say, make memories with your babes. They are only little once. My goal is for them to have more good memories than negative memories. It doesn’t mean I don’t discipline or say no when no is what needs to be said. It means throwing the list out sometimes and sometimes even throwing out the plan for the day to say yes to something they want to do. I may be tired and exhausted, but it is what my kids need sometimes. I choose to say yes even when it is inconvenient for me for the sake of my kids (and my sanity). Raise your glass (coffee, water, wine, or margarita) and join me in saying YES!
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